How do you feel right now?
Do you feel hopeless and in despair?
Do you feel like nothing is worth anything?
Do you fell like life is not worth living?
Do you just feel depressed?
There is a way through this!
Seek out help. If you would like to talk about your issues, I can help!
Email me at fourluvzz@gmail.com
I never share any of your personal information ...ever!
Please contact me for help.
I can give good advice for these feelings.
I am not only here to express my feelings, but to help those in need.
Please, if you want to talk to someone about your problems, then contact ME!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Another Poem!
Confusion fills my brain,
but, what am I to complain?
My insides are filled with dread,
the scars are inside my head,
unknown thoughts are dead.
Can you hear the whisper,
Can you feel my heart?
I am torn,
I am worn,
Left a cut yesterday,
but it eased my pain.
Do you know what it feels like to be insane?
To live in pain and confusion.
The pills are just like candy,
they only sweeten the symptoms,
I am falling downwards,
into the pits of despair,
I try to think of the rain,
but, it just doesn't change
the fact that I am insane.
I know to stay positive, but if you know what I am talking about then you know that it is impossible to stay up. I want to stop taking the pills. I want to stop for the high. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of being sick. No pity should fall on my face, but only for you to understand my disfigured place.
but, what am I to complain?
My insides are filled with dread,
the scars are inside my head,
unknown thoughts are dead.
Can you hear the whisper,
Can you feel my heart?
I am torn,
I am worn,
Left a cut yesterday,
but it eased my pain.
Do you know what it feels like to be insane?
To live in pain and confusion.
The pills are just like candy,
they only sweeten the symptoms,
I am falling downwards,
into the pits of despair,
I try to think of the rain,
but, it just doesn't change
the fact that I am insane.
I know to stay positive, but if you know what I am talking about then you know that it is impossible to stay up. I want to stop taking the pills. I want to stop for the high. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of being sick. No pity should fall on my face, but only for you to understand my disfigured place.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Today, is a great day.
I am hoping for the best, though I have to wait for my Methlyn to be prescribed, all of the other medications are doing me well. I decided to write a poem about this disorder. I hope you enjoy.
Scars left upon my skin,
From the razors that tilted in,
My insides devoured pills,
To subside the insanity thrills,
I awoke everyday,
With a new face,
Who would I be today?
Veins melted with ache,
venom left from the bitter snake,
attacks that ate up my flesh,
until the bones screamed the rest,
I sit here alone,
though a thousand souls surround my home,
I am alone.
I try to scream my pain,
but no sound will emerge,
dragons whisper in my ear,
the future of the unknown,
I see the past,
I feel the future,
I am lost in the present.
I feel time has left me standing on the edge,
wondering if I just should leap,
then Laturus spoke to my senses,
and my wings folded inward.
I am grounded,
solid as stone,
for I have found my heart,
a new inspirational home.
Love has lifted me,
Change has become my mystery,
I live for today,
and breath in the air that fills me,
I long for her to come back to me,
I linger the taste of her lips,
once again,
but never will return,
for I am captivated with this echo,
of songs that make me remember,
she will always be in my soul,
my spirit, for she was my true love,
my heart beats for her,
secretly, I must live the life wanted by others,
I would be selfish to not.
So, I live each day like the last,
I hold my water in an empty glass,
refreshen my mind and let it be,
that one day she could be with me.
Without the pain of others thoughts,
that baracade me in this hell,
I live a lie,
but will never tell.
If you read this then you shall surly know,
that I am nothing ordinary that glows,
I am worth little,
I am but a seed in this world,
growing to learn all that I can,
lingering for wisdom,
that seems to be right in front of me.
Why can I not see ?
Why can I not hear?
Why can I only feel?
I have found an escape,
writing, singing, and drawing are my fates.
I love the harmony of a guitar,
wish that I could play one.
So someone just save me from myself.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Change In Medications
A new day!
I have been changed on medications. I saw my doctor and they took me off of the Wellbutrin, and plan to put me back on Ritilin for the ADHD. As, for the Bipolar, they upped my Ambilify, Conlonzapam, and Seroquel. I am already feeling pretty much back to normal. If you have any issues and need to talk, please email me at fourluvzz@gmail.com
I am here for you if you need me. I don't feel paranoid any more and the suicidal thoughts have disappeared! I am able to cope now with every day life. I hope that if you have a problem out there you will seek help. I check my emails very regularly. Soon my blog post will be in video, so you can watch my post instead of read them. I hope that you continue to come back to my blog. For this is the best way to know what it is like for a mentally ill person to go through, in every day life.
I have been changed on medications. I saw my doctor and they took me off of the Wellbutrin, and plan to put me back on Ritilin for the ADHD. As, for the Bipolar, they upped my Ambilify, Conlonzapam, and Seroquel. I am already feeling pretty much back to normal. If you have any issues and need to talk, please email me at fourluvzz@gmail.com
I am here for you if you need me. I don't feel paranoid any more and the suicidal thoughts have disappeared! I am able to cope now with every day life. I hope that if you have a problem out there you will seek help. I check my emails very regularly. Soon my blog post will be in video, so you can watch my post instead of read them. I hope that you continue to come back to my blog. For this is the best way to know what it is like for a mentally ill person to go through, in every day life.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
A New Day!
I am feeling much better today!
A good friend gave me some great advice. He said nothing is worth wanting to commit suicide. You know, even though I was really down and I mean down, it helped me to hear those words. So, if you know a loved one or your down yourself, remember those words!
I laid and just cried last night. The tears just kept coming. I felt like a little baby curled up into a fetal position. All I wanted to was for someone to hold me. I basically held myself. If you were to ask me what was wrong, I could not have given you an answer! I was just so deep into doom. I took a Seroquel and went to bed early.
This morning I got up at 5 AM! I feel great! The mood is gone and I made it! Sure, I cried like a child, but you know what I didn't cut on my arms, drink, or try to kill myself. To me, that is great!
When you are Bipolar, and you get depressed, for some reason the first thing that you think of is suicide. I don't know why, but your pain inside is so unbearable that your mind just stops. Your in agony! I hope that someone who experiences the same things as I do, will comment and let us know what you go through! I hope you all have a great day.
A good friend gave me some great advice. He said nothing is worth wanting to commit suicide. You know, even though I was really down and I mean down, it helped me to hear those words. So, if you know a loved one or your down yourself, remember those words!
I laid and just cried last night. The tears just kept coming. I felt like a little baby curled up into a fetal position. All I wanted to was for someone to hold me. I basically held myself. If you were to ask me what was wrong, I could not have given you an answer! I was just so deep into doom. I took a Seroquel and went to bed early.
This morning I got up at 5 AM! I feel great! The mood is gone and I made it! Sure, I cried like a child, but you know what I didn't cut on my arms, drink, or try to kill myself. To me, that is great!
When you are Bipolar, and you get depressed, for some reason the first thing that you think of is suicide. I don't know why, but your pain inside is so unbearable that your mind just stops. Your in agony! I hope that someone who experiences the same things as I do, will comment and let us know what you go through! I hope you all have a great day.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Pills, pills, and more pills!
I am so down. I feel that my body is a dragging peice of clay. I don't have any energy and I feel very suicidal. I don't want to tell anyone here that I have been this bad, but it is true. I take all them pills, but they are not working. I am crying as I type. When will this gloom escape me. I fear having another breakdown. My husband is in school so I have to maintain stability! Why do I have to be this way? Why! I am so confused and bitter. I feel like death has made it's way near me somehow. I feel the presense of evil. I hear them in my head speaking to me. I thought I was getting better, but I am not. This disease is a killer. What do I do, well, I am fixing to take the strongest pill to knock my ass out and hope for a better day tomorrow. When?
Darkness has taken over my soul,
I feel the haunt,
it eats away at my internal flesh,
feasting until I am worn thin,
I have lost ten pounds,
down to a skinny bone again from not being able to eat,
I am suffering,
Please somebody save me from this hell.
Darkness has taken over my soul,
I feel the haunt,
it eats away at my internal flesh,
feasting until I am worn thin,
I have lost ten pounds,
down to a skinny bone again from not being able to eat,
I am suffering,
Please somebody save me from this hell.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Late Night Statements
I feel very depressed.
I really don't know why.
The thoughts are raging
throughout my head.
I feel confused and I miss
my energy. i am fighting
this. If your Bipolar or
know someone who is, then
you understand my points.
I really don't know why.
The thoughts are raging
throughout my head.
I feel confused and I miss
my energy. i am fighting
this. If your Bipolar or
know someone who is, then
you understand my points.
Today I am really feeling weird.
BIPOLAR DISORDER IS MANIC DEPRESSION
Manic Depression is a mental illness that effects much of the population today. Most people go years with the disorder and do not even realize that they have this problem. It can go unnoticed! Now, lets talk about what this disorder consist of!
Manic Depression is when a person experiences a major high in mood, or a major low in mood. The two can be alternated daily, weekly, monthly, and by the hours! It differs from person to person. When the person is in a high happy mood this is then called manic. When the person is in an extreme low mood this is called manic depressed. Now, when the person has extreme energy with suicidal, sad, or psychotic thoughts then this would be called manic mania!
Manic
The person will feel like they are on top of the world so to speak. They will talk really fast, and have lots of energy. Every person is different. Some people may become very aggressive. This is most common among men. The person may be speeding around doing five things at once, but not accomplishing anything! Some people are very sexually active during this time with several different partners. They are not aware of the disorder at all until very well educated about the disorder. Doctors tend to want these people to be very educated so that they can help control or realize that there is even a problem. An example of being manic is when a person may paint the walls absurdly or draw pictures and write beyond belief! Most of these people are very talented in some areas due to this disorder! Thus, this still is not good, because decision making can be done poorly by the person. An example would be that they go the store and spend outrageous amounts of money without thinking of the consequences! Yes, if you are still reading this, there are people like this! I know because I am one of these people!
Manic Depression
This is a very dangerous stage for the person to be in! They may have crying spells unlike Mania where they would have giggling spells. These crying spells and stress related issues can lead to suicidal behaviors. When I was severely depressed, I would hide under my covers and I would not come out. I might hide in a closet to hide away from the feelings that I was having. Some people tend to turn towards drugs and alcohol during this time. Others may resort to cutting or scratching on themselves, claiming that the physical pain helped release the mental and emotional pain. At this time many people are institutionalized for counseling and medication therapy.
Manic Mania
This is a stage where the person is depressed and stressed to the point that they may hear voices or have hallucinations. This is also a very bad part of this disorder because many people become very aggressive and tend to hurt themselves or someone else. This must not be taken lightly. You see when a person is manic they heave excess energy with happiness and often develop insomnia. When a person is manic depressed they often sleep a lot and feel very tired. But, when a person is experiencing manic mania they are filled with negative energy along with sadness, hopelessness, or psychotic feelings! This is also a very dangerous stage for the person to be in, and should be hospitalized for it immediately!
Medications for Bipolar
Yes, Bipolar is the other common name for Manic Depression summed up into one! Here are some medications that I am aware of for the disorder.These are just a few of so many!
For Manic Episodes
___________________
Lithium (the oldest and most common)
Depakote
Topamax
anticonvulsants (other meds for the disorder)
For Manic Depression
_______________________
Paxil
Prozac
Wellbutrin
Celexa
Effexor
Z oloft
For Manic Mania
______________________
Zyprexa
Risperdal
Abilify
Geodon
Most Common Side Effects
* Drowsiness
* Weight gain
* Sexual dysfunction
* Dry mouth
* Constipation
* Blurred vision
Yes, these side effects can be a pest, but it is well worth it to the person with this disorder.Often the person has to have their blood checked for the levels of a particular drug, due to damages to the liver.
There is not a cure for this disorder. Some people have the disorder worse than others. This disorder can be managed with proper counseling and medications. Often the person decides they do not need the medication after they feel better, and then in turn causes them to cycle again. Yes the changes in mood are called cycling.
If you should suspect that you or someone you know may have this disorder don't be shy! You or the person should seek help immediately!
This essay is dedicated to all people who suffer from this disorder or any other disorder. Let's make the public awareness about Bipolar Disorder more popular among our society today!
Manic Depression is a mental illness that effects much of the population today. Most people go years with the disorder and do not even realize that they have this problem. It can go unnoticed! Now, lets talk about what this disorder consist of!
Manic Depression is when a person experiences a major high in mood, or a major low in mood. The two can be alternated daily, weekly, monthly, and by the hours! It differs from person to person. When the person is in a high happy mood this is then called manic. When the person is in an extreme low mood this is called manic depressed. Now, when the person has extreme energy with suicidal, sad, or psychotic thoughts then this would be called manic mania!
Manic
The person will feel like they are on top of the world so to speak. They will talk really fast, and have lots of energy. Every person is different. Some people may become very aggressive. This is most common among men. The person may be speeding around doing five things at once, but not accomplishing anything! Some people are very sexually active during this time with several different partners. They are not aware of the disorder at all until very well educated about the disorder. Doctors tend to want these people to be very educated so that they can help control or realize that there is even a problem. An example of being manic is when a person may paint the walls absurdly or draw pictures and write beyond belief! Most of these people are very talented in some areas due to this disorder! Thus, this still is not good, because decision making can be done poorly by the person. An example would be that they go the store and spend outrageous amounts of money without thinking of the consequences! Yes, if you are still reading this, there are people like this! I know because I am one of these people!
Manic Depression
This is a very dangerous stage for the person to be in! They may have crying spells unlike Mania where they would have giggling spells. These crying spells and stress related issues can lead to suicidal behaviors. When I was severely depressed, I would hide under my covers and I would not come out. I might hide in a closet to hide away from the feelings that I was having. Some people tend to turn towards drugs and alcohol during this time. Others may resort to cutting or scratching on themselves, claiming that the physical pain helped release the mental and emotional pain. At this time many people are institutionalized for counseling and medication therapy.
Manic Mania
This is a stage where the person is depressed and stressed to the point that they may hear voices or have hallucinations. This is also a very bad part of this disorder because many people become very aggressive and tend to hurt themselves or someone else. This must not be taken lightly. You see when a person is manic they heave excess energy with happiness and often develop insomnia. When a person is manic depressed they often sleep a lot and feel very tired. But, when a person is experiencing manic mania they are filled with negative energy along with sadness, hopelessness, or psychotic feelings! This is also a very dangerous stage for the person to be in, and should be hospitalized for it immediately!
Medications for Bipolar
Yes, Bipolar is the other common name for Manic Depression summed up into one! Here are some medications that I am aware of for the disorder.These are just a few of so many!
For Manic Episodes
___________________
Lithium (the oldest and most common)
Depakote
Topamax
anticonvulsants (other meds for the disorder)
For Manic Depression
_______________________
Paxil
Prozac
Wellbutrin
Celexa
Effexor
Z oloft
For Manic Mania
______________________
Zyprexa
Risperdal
Abilify
Geodon
Most Common Side Effects
* Drowsiness
* Weight gain
* Sexual dysfunction
* Dry mouth
* Constipation
* Blurred vision
Yes, these side effects can be a pest, but it is well worth it to the person with this disorder.Often the person has to have their blood checked for the levels of a particular drug, due to damages to the liver.
There is not a cure for this disorder. Some people have the disorder worse than others. This disorder can be managed with proper counseling and medications. Often the person decides they do not need the medication after they feel better, and then in turn causes them to cycle again. Yes the changes in mood are called cycling.
If you should suspect that you or someone you know may have this disorder don't be shy! You or the person should seek help immediately!
This essay is dedicated to all people who suffer from this disorder or any other disorder. Let's make the public awareness about Bipolar Disorder more popular among our society today!
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